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How To Overcome Common Reasons For Struggling To Speak Up In Meetings

Forbes Coaches Council

Cynthia Knapek, CEO of LeadingBetter, is an expert known for social impact leadership that equips + inspires us to be better and do better.

Years ago, I was on a committee charged with assembling a community project task force. I nominated a leader who I believed could bring value. However, another committee member waved off my suggestion, saying they were “an empty seat.” While it’s true that my nominee rarely spoke up in meetings, I knew them to be deeply observant and insightful. I left the meeting struggling to understand the “empty seat” judgment.

My first reaction was to dismiss the comment entirely. There are many ways to contribute beyond pontification in meetings. But a small doubt caused me to look deeper. A meeting is an expensive endeavor, using the time of an entire room full of people. If a participant fails to contribute, maybe it’s reasonable to question the value they bring.

As a quiet leader myself, I decided I needed to fully understand what stops us from speaking up and, most importantly, what strategies to use to make sure my voice matters. Here's what I learned about the most common struggles and how to turn them around.

'But I am an introvert.'

There's been some exceptional thought leadership drawing attention to how we shortsightedly elevate those who dominate the conversation to leadership roles. Sometimes extroverts need to dial down their participation so they can help facilitate a "share the air" culture. It’s fair, however, to put some responsibility on introverts to dial it up.

Those who tend toward introversion must remember that their important business ideas are only useful when shared. In her book Quiet, leadership expert Susan Cain suggests introverts don’t need to change who they are fundamentally. But they can find key moments to embrace extroversion. Introverts can challenge themselves to contribute one well-timed question or voice one observation in every meeting.

'But I am different.'

When I ask clients about what stops them from contributing, they express a feeling of being the only representative of a demographic, and therefore having an opinion that will be different from the group. The most frequently cited are “I am the youngest," "I'm the only woman" and "I'm the only person of color.” But I also hear clients say "I am the only non-engineer, "I'm the newest employee" or any number of things that make them feel like an outlier.

It's important to remember that you were invited to the meeting for a reason. Moreover, your different lens may be the point of view needed most. Consider reframing your thoughts.

• “I know I am the newest on the team, but allow me to offer a fresh perspective.”

• “As a Millennial, I think I can provide a next-generation insight.”

• “As the only non-technical person in the room, let me share how our customers may hear this.”

When you proudly own your differences, you can use them as a strength.

'But I like to think deeply for a long time.'

Some of us don’t do very well when put on the spot, so we can freeze up in meetings. The good news is that just a little extra preparation helps. If meeting agendas are sent in advance, as most are, spend a few minutes preparing your point of view. If it’s an important meeting, consider reading industry trend data that will help add depth to your point of view.

Sometimes we want our comments to be thoroughly vetted—okay, perfect—but in most meetings, the whole point is a shared experience where ideas are iterative. Remember that your colleagues don’t want a perfect answer. They just want an insight to build on.

'I feel like I am interrupting.'

Some meetings have the cadence of a double-Dutch jump rope session, so trying to join in feels intimidating. There are two strategies that can help you. The first is making use of body language. The current speaker often holds some power to subtly make a handoff to another person. Making eye contact and sending cues you have a response may lead them to call on you for input.

When you get that moment, a smooth segway is important. It's easy to jump in with something like "I'd like to echo what they said." But a better option is “I’d like to build on what they were saying.” It's a far more potent segway as it shows that you're adding more valuable insight to the conversation.

Being afraid to speak up is human.

What I learned from the "empty seat" label is that choosing not to offer your voice isn't always the wisest choice. You may think that limiting comments to only the most perfect insights shields you from judgment. However, people evaluate what you don’t say every bit as much as what you do say. You were invited to the meeting to provide your perspective after all. So be clear about what your value is and be prepared to represent your knowledge and share your talent.


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