Sarah is a tech leadership coach & a voice for transforming the tech industry to create a more sustainable future | Unique-U Coaching.
getty
January is a great month to reflect and realign ourselves with what’s important. In the northern hemisphere, it is winter and often a quiet month. This creates the perfect opportunity for reflection.
We often get caught up in daily life and work, and we don’t see what’s changed and the implications this has. In January, everyone starts talking about goals or New Year's resolutions, however, unless you are clear on what’s important to you, then you are likely to try to aim for something meaningless. You may know that feeling: You achieve something you thought you wanted, and yet you are left feeling empty.
This is because what “success” means to us changes over time. Everyone has something in life that they want to achieve so they feel successful, whether it be business or personal. This provides intrinsic motivation.
Our reality of daily life is created from our beliefs, values and experiences. We spend little effort generating alternative realities unless something fundamentally shifts in our lives.
What experiences cause these shifts?
Typical challenging experiences that can cause a "shift" in our perception, and therefore experience of life, include:
- Grief;
- Becoming a parent (or fertility issues);
- Divorce;
- Being made redundant;
- Life-changing injury or illness;
- Prolonged stress or burnout;
- Bullying or micro-aggressions.
Additionally, there are constant, smaller shifts happening due to our day-to-day life experiences. What triggers a shift in one person may not cause any reaction in another. Shifts occur for some people because of a big birthday, because of a war happening on the other side of the world or because of political instability.
When a shift occurs, your perception of the world is fundamentally altered; you cannot un-live the experience.
What happens when a shift occurs?
When a shift occurs, your mind defines your experience in the world differently—it's like setting a new baseline against which all past and future experiences are now viewed. Things you were not aware of before often come into focus and things that were important to you before are suddenly not so important. You may become frustrated or experience feelings of discomfort.
This means you may be aware of a shift, however, it is unlikely that you know how to re-align yourself and any goals you may have. This is not something that is often talked about or that we learn how to deal with in school. However, if you cannot understand it yourself, then trying to explain it to anyone else is impossible.
To be able to consciously move forward, you need to understand the impact the shift has had on you. Going to see a counselor can help you understand what has happened and this is usually a good strategy, but it often misses an important question:
How have I changed as a person and how do I move forward from here?
What happens if you don’t reassess?
You continue to aim for something that is potentially no longer meaningful to you. It can lead to stress, frustration, lack of focus and commitment because your heart is no longer in it.
The negative consequences don’t end there. A lot of people try to hide these changes; they want to shut them away and pretend that nothing has changed. This accumulates stress and can have significant consequences not only in your career but also for the rest of your life, specifically your closest relationships.
If you regularly feel discomfort, then this is a sign that it’s time to reassess.
What could happen if you do reassess?
Regularly reassessing what is important to you has the advantage of reducing stress and not wasting energy chasing after things that are no longer meaningful. It raises your level of awareness and enables you to consciously decide to let go of things that do not serve you. This creates the space for new opportunities to emerge.
This might be:
- a change in employment or your business,
- letting go of a relationship that no longer serves you, or
- investing more energy in things that nourish you.
This can also help you be a better leader as it shifts your level of consciousness and thus how you show up as a leader.
Change can feel scary; however, you can decide to change anything in your life at any time. A good way to challenge your fear is by asking yourself, “What’s the worst that’s going to happen?” The answer is often nowhere near as scary as you may believe.
As this Harvard Business Review article states “negative experiences can spur positive change, including a recognition of personal strength, the exploration of new possibilities, improved relationships, a greater appreciation for life, and spiritual growth.”
The following questions can help you reassess what’s important to you.
With each shift, you should reassess at least the following questions:
- What is important to me?
- What am I passionate about?
- What is my purpose in life?
- What do I want to achieve?
- How does this align with my job (and business) where I invest time and energy?
- What would success mean to me?
If you struggle to answer these questions, spend a few weeks reflecting on them daily. Create a diary and speak to someone whom you trust. It is useful to get external support from a coach or mentor who can provide a safe space for you to be vulnerable without judgment.
Remember to take care of your mental and physical health during times of change. Identify the people and activities that bring you joy, then invest in them.
So use the new year as a prompt to reflect and reassess what success means to you.
In my next article, I will talk about how this can help you create more focus at work and how you can help a team member who you recognize may have had a life shift.
Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
